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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695603">The Alterations To Be Made!</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aluminum_Crow/pseuds/Aluminum_Crow'>Aluminum_Crow</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Twilight Series - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Admiration for the YouTube Kings and Queens out there, Another Crack Fic, Bella REBORN!, Dracula Costume., Eddie Sparkle-Sparkle, Edward Cullen is The Most Pathetic Discount Emo To Ever Live, Especially when it means you get 80 cellphones, Gen, Investing in stock is fun, It's 1:30 AM Again, Mary Sue Time, Meet the Cullens?, We Stan Power Hungry Queen, oh yeah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 03:08:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>808</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27695603</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aluminum_Crow/pseuds/Aluminum_Crow</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>So, begrudgingly, they did. Three days of agony later, and I had achieved immortality. The only one there when I woke up was Edward. Ewwww.</p><p>“Marry me,” he said. </p><p>“No, I’m gay as a rainbow. You secretly a closeted trans girl?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>And that was that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Alterations To Be Made!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I’d been waiting for this moment for a long time. I, Bella Swan, was going to be able to live my story. And change it. Oh, the alterations I was going to make!</p><p>From the moment I’d been born, I’d known what was to come. Unsure if these visions were of a past life, parallel universe or future self, mid-Junior year I decided to go to Forks Washington to test it all out. </p><p>Everything until now had played out exactly as I’d dreamed, hadn’t it? But this time… Oh, <em> this </em>time was going to be different. If you already know everything from your last life, why waste your time relearning it? That was the mindset I’d carried from the literal second I was born. </p><p>I now had reached ultimate Mary Sue capabilities. I knew every fighting style on planet Earth, spoke 47 languages, wrote several of the next great American novels, predicted Covid-19… It was a good feeling. And this time, I grew a <em> spine. </em></p><p>Someone messes with me? Fling them across the room. Steal my pancake? Unacceptable. Frown in my general direction? I have a special sharp something in my pocket just for you.</p><p>It was with that mindset that I walked into Forks high school for the first time, decked out in a complete vampire costume: cape, makeup, cheap glow-in-the-dark dollar store plastic fangs and all. The background characters stared? No matter. I smiled back.</p><p>It was clear to me how much power I had. Lunch time came around, and I moseyed on over to the Cullen’s table, plopped myself down and propped my legs up on Eddie Sparkle-Sparkle’s lunch tray. Why waste time with the theatrics and dull conversation at the other table? My goal was immortality baby, and you better believe that I was gonna achieve it.</p><p>They stared. Of course they did. I just smiled at them with my plastic fangs. “Who are you?” asked Eddie Sparkle-Sparkle.</p><p>I gave him a level stare before saying, “It must <em> suck </em> to not know, huh?”</p><p>I then walked away, laughing at my own joke (like a genius). The bell rang. In biology, when Eddie boy glared, I glared right back. Passive aggressive look? Smirk returned. Look of bloodlust? Pointed looks that made his old-fashioned self become <em> quite </em>uncomfortable (Not that it was ever okay to sexually harass someone, but this was most definitely a special case).</p><p>When the van came around to hit me at first snowfall, I made sure to turn the tables. “Everyone, come quick! I think Edward’s hurt!”</p><p>Oh, the satisfaction of seeing a glaring vampire attached to a gurney!</p><p>Time passes (like it tends to do) and I was in Port Angeles, right on time and in place for my creepy stalkers with ill intentions to be dealt with by my other creepy stalker with ill intentions. “Give me one good reason to not go back there,” he said like a complete and total drama queen.</p><p>“Nope.”</p><p>He gave me an incredulous look. “OH NOOOO,” I said very dramatically, “They have hurt me! I feel so harmed!” </p><p>He needed no more prompting. I whipped out my primitive cellphone and filmed him ripping the creepy dudes apart before stealthily tucking it back in and fake crying in the car. I got him to take me home. Good God, he was a creep. How fragile had my past-future-alternate self been to have fallen in love with this dramatic discount-emo?</p><p>I copied the video onto a billion different hard drives and did some intense programming (That I also knew how to do) so that unless I did a certain thing, the video would be released onto the internet, exposing him. I made a long confessional YouTube video saying everything about the Cullens, vampires, the Volturi, you name it. The next day (after a nice good night’s sleep), I went over to the Cullen’s home uninvited. They stared. I was in the dracula costume again.</p><p>“So, let’s cut to the chase. I know you’re vampires. Turn me into one of you.”Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and Alice shrugged. Edward cried out, “NooOOooOOoooOOOO!!!!!”</p><p>Puny mortal though I was, I whipped out one of the eighty cellphones I had (Investing in stock was fun) and showed the video. They were dumbstruck for a nanosecond before Edward grabbed the cellphone and broke it. I pulled out another. “This will be all over the internet unless you comply.”</p><p>So, begrudgingly, they did. Three days of agony later, and I had achieved immortality. The only one there when I woke up was Edward. Ewwww.</p><p>“Marry me,” he said. </p><p>“No, I’m gay as a rainbow You secretly a closeted trans girl?”</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>And that was that.</p><p>He left me, and I left for Italy to begin my takeover of the entire vampire world. Oh, was this going to be fun...</p>
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